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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Very nice, it's got a "good" (maybe effective is better?) sense of loneliness and sorrow.
The layout is lovely and makes the piece more eye catch, as well as show dedication to your writing.
Your opening line, I feel, is effective catching me and drawing me into the piece, the call for penitence and general empty vide create a strong Gothic feeling.
My only criticism would be that in trying to stick to your layout and stanza structure you have perhaps negatively impacted some of your lines, but possibly not.
Keep writing, you've got talent.
Halllllooooooooo there! This is a great poem... I'd write more, but I'm out of time!
Like shiney said this is a very commonly used theme but i loved the way you worded your poem and the way that you used your layout, it i made it seem very organised
Keep Writing!
Good poem. There seems to be many of these Gothic-like dark poems popping up more and more with things like Twilight becoming the "in" thing. I can feel the despair the narrator is feeling, and I like to see this kind of style being used. Pretty good wording, and good descriptive language.
Nice poem.