Another Day of Snow

The mournful song of doves hangs in the air
As you wander through the trees,
With nothing but the sound
Of their lament.
You don't know how long you've lingered there;
Emptiness has brought you to your knees,
And all the strength you found
Is spent.
Life and death and sorrow caught you unaware;
The only way to find yourself and to appease
This fate, is to kneel upon the ground,
And repent.

There is something missing, something wrong;
You feel it in the darkness of your heart;
Aching somewhere deep and far away,
You know.
There was a time when you were strong,
But piece by piece, you slowly fell apart;
Now all your words are but to say:
I must go.
And so you wander to the mournful song,
Not knowing where to start;
Silent through another day
Of snow.

Comments & reviews · 5
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TheLuckyCat Review

Very nice, it's got a "good" (maybe effective is better?) sense of loneliness and sorrow.
The layout is lovely and makes the piece more eye catch, as well as show dedication to your writing.
Your opening line, I feel, is effective catching me and drawing me into the piece, the call for penitence and general empty vide create a strong Gothic feeling.

My only criticism would be that in trying to stick to your layout and stanza structure you have perhaps negatively impacted some of your lines, but possibly not.

Keep writing, you've got talent.

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DragonLADY
Comment

Halllllooooooooo there! This is a great poem... I'd write more, but I'm out of time!

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Eniarrol
Review

Like shiney said this is a very commonly used theme but i loved the way you worded your poem and the way that you used your layout, it i made it seem very organised :)

Keep Writing!

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shiney1
Review
shiney1 wrote a review · Fri Dec 03, 2010 3:40 am

Good poem. There seems to be many of these Gothic-like dark poems popping up more and more with things like Twilight becoming the "in" thing. I can feel the despair the narrator is feeling, and I like to see this kind of style being used. Pretty good wording, and good descriptive language.

Nice poem.



And on the pedestal these words appear:/'My name is Ozymandias, king of kings;/Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!'/Nothing beside remains.
— Percy Bysshe Shelley